'Send me a picture, I don't believe you': Employee tells white lie to get out of work party, toxic boss asks for proof

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    Hand - "I am allowed to have a life, right?"
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    Font - I told a white lie to stay out of a party, and now the whole team knows. So my team had a gathering this Christmas weekend, and some of our teammates flew in from another city. I never confirmed my going to this party, and I just wanted to spend this day off with my partner so I didn't go. Then the manager texted me and tried to gaslight me into going. So I told a white lie that I was out of the city, then she asked:"Send me a picture, I don't believe you."
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    Font - I mean, what the was that??? I am allowed to have a life, right? This is not the first time the manager has cornered me into going out with the team. I'm not the type of anti-social or anything. But as an introvert, it requires energy for me to socialize with other people. And one more thing, I want to spend my holidays doing what the I want. Could you please suggest how I bring this up with the team without sounding like an asshole.
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    Font - Edit 1: Christmas is not a public holiday in my country, but since we work for US clients, we are observing this holiday, and it was just a day off for us. Edit 2: I lied because I simply can't say no most of the time. This manager always finds a way to gaslighting me into going to these parties. It either "aren't you part of the team" or "the team has spent a lot of time preparing for this, now you want to stay home?". Edit 3: I'm ignoring her, the teammates for now.
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    Font - bobbybrayflorida - 1 day ago Ignore the text. 4.2k Reply Share
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    Font - integralphilosopher. 22 hr. ago S Ignore the text and if asked about it say "oh I thought you were joking" and leave it at that 4.1k Reply Share
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    Font - BU0989 21 hr. ago This is perfect. Saying anymore than this may come off as passive aggressive or just be doing a little too much. 996 Reply Share
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    Font - Cunningcreativity. 23 hr. ago S "I have prior obligations and for you to ask me for a photograph as proof of where I am or what I am doing when I am off the clock is inappropriate." 3.1k Reply Share
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    Font - SubstantialPressure3. 22 hr. ago Agreed. You don't have to prove your whereabouts on your time off. She's out of her mind. 365 Reply Share
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    Font - FinnRistola 1 day ago When I'm off my phone is off. I ignore 100% of work- related correspondence on my off time. No one can force me to be reachable during times I'm not getting paid. 863 Reply Share
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    Font - FloydCouncilak72 22 hr. a It truly amazes me that people don't realize this as an option. Unless you are on stand-by or paid to be on-call or barring any immediate emergency, you are under no obligation to answer ANY work related communication. 632 Reply Share
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    Font - Erikthered659 hr. ago It took years for my colleagues to accept that I'm not going to respond to any calls or texts if I'm on holiday/sick/whatever leave. They don't like it and talk shit behind my back, but they don't try to contact me any more. Their argument is that it might be an emergency. My argument is that if they consider "I can't find this document" to an emergency and I'm going to ignore it.
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    Font - ArcTan_Pete 23 hr. ago 2 thoughts 1. I dont care what you believe and I am off the clock, on my own time, and wont play silly games 2. Google image search for Stonehenge, Eiffel tower, or Kremlin - and send that 601 Reply Share
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    Font - V Adept_Dragonfruit_54. 22 hr. ago Everyone has great comments about saying no, but I'll add that some managers don't take no for an answer. I declined to attend a manager's holiday party the year my dad passed away the week prior. I was polite and clear with my refusal, stating that I wasn't in the frame of mind to attend any festivities. The managers continued to press me up to the end of the work day to attend despite my continued "No thank you." Sometimes, a white lie is easier becaus
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    Font - Thuctran1706 OP 22 hr. ago This is what's happening to me. I know that this is my fault for texting back or lying in the first place. But my manager never takes a simple "No, I simply don't want to join." She keeps pushing forward until guilt tripping me into going. If it's a mandatory event, I'll go and enjoy that event wholeheartedly, but if she asks me, "Can I join?"I'll interpret it as having an option to say no. 153 Reply Share
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    Font - Post Mortem-- 1 day ago I recommend bring it up as you just mentioned it now. You don't owe anyone an explanation of why you didn't go to a work Christmas party and you're not obligated to go especially since you did not confirm. Just tell them that you wanted to spend time with your partner whom is your family. Or better yet don't even acknowledge the text. Don't let work make you feel guilty. Good luck! 309 Reply Share

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